Bridge Maxims



Living with a bridge expert is more difficult than being one.


Slow play dictum: nice guys finish fast.



Rule 1: Partner is always wrong.

Rule 2: if by some quirk, partner happens to be right, refer to Rule 1.



There are three kinds of bridge players: the experts, the presumptuous experts, and the majority.


Question: Is sloppy dummy play due to ignorance or apathy? Answer: I don't know and I don't care.


Chinese proverb: A gem cannot be polished without friction nor partner perfected without adversity.


'Tis well to remember when judging partner's expertise that she is judging you with the same smug, superior impartiality.


The road to hell is paved with good conventions.


There's more than one way to play every hand; that is, unless it's the hand you just played.


Delay criticizing partner for one complete round and the urge will die of starvation.


If you must go down, for heaven's sake, get on with it.


Get your zeros early. That way, you have more time to catch up.


Never insult an opponent until the round has been called.


If you haven't found the best line of play by trick 10, try divine guidance.


The player who can smile when things go wrong has just thought of the dumb bid his partner made.


Never try to teach a pig to play bridge. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.