Ivan Finn Esser

Written by Arthur Ash
Source: Bridge Bulletin
July 2003, Page 11

This is the story of Ivan Finn Esser,

A northeastern college assistant professor,

A Phi Beta Kappa at Yale in New Haven,

With two MBAs, a statistical maven.

He calls market turns, predicts business cycles,

So why in the world can't he comprehend Michaels?

He reads Shakespeare and Pope and Joyce and Dos Passos,

Knows Klees from Monets and Braques from Picassos.

He enjoys bouillabaisse, only he calls it chowder,

And sings like Domingo, perhaps a bit louder.

In someone so brillaint I find it uncannery

That he can't recall that "two diamonds" is Flannery.

He can tell Heidsick from Asti Spumante

And Rothschild's LaFite from Corvo's Chianti.

He know cabbage from kale and porcelain from pottery,

And twice he has won the New York State lottery.

Then why can't he learn that there's more to finessing

Than tossing a coin or just simply guessing?

If life, an uplifter, at bridge a disheart'ner,

That's Ivan Finn Esser, my favorite partner.