Things Are Getting Verse

A Bridge Elegy

A poem composed in elegiac couplets. An elaborately formal lyric poem lamenting the death of a friend or public figure, or reflecting seriously on a solemn subject. In Greek and Latin verse, the term referred to the metre of a poem (alternating dactylic hexameters and pentameters in couplets known as elegiac distichs), not to its mood or content.

Although a lamentation, the title of the poem reflects the austere, if not caustic humor of the authoress.

Written by: Dickie Aschermann of Stow, Ohio

Source: The Bridge Bulletin, April 2002, Pag 66




Oh, how we long for the good ol' days,
When the game we played was BRIDGE!
Bidding Spades meant SPADES and Hearts meant HEARTS.
Thank God for the privilege!

We opened a Diamond -
...... that's what we had,
Or a Club, three cards or longer,
Hearts or Spades - four, five, or more -
Or notrump somewhat stronger.

Our cards listed Stayman and Blackwood.
No player was ever confused.
Thank goodness that's all we needed,
And thank goodness that's all we used.

We reached our solid games or slams
In four or five sound bids
By opening two of our strong suit -
The BRIDGE we learned as kids.

Today we're told our strong two-bids
Are out of date! Passe!
"You bid TWO CLUBS to show your strength!
No Clubs? So what!", they say.

Today they bid what they DON'T have.
Their partners do the same,
And ten conventions down the road ...
Guess what? Wrong slam! Wrong game!

Today they open one notrump.
Eight/Ten! Ten/Twelve! Headlong!
(Whoever heard of a notrump
Showing all suits stopped and strong!)

Or - opener bids two Diamonds.
Not a Diamond in the hand!
It shows at least five Hearts, four Spades!
"Alert!" (A bid demand.)

Or - opener bids two Clubs (no Clubs!)
A big hand! That's the sign.
Two Hearts by partner (with no Hearts!)
Just shows eight points or nine!

Alert! Alert! And more Alerts!
Your questions they tend to ignore.
Or offer just the slightest tip.
That's all you get. No more!

PRECISION bids! The PUPPET bids!
The DRURY bids, no less!

But most abused - "I'M TBOUT TO SKIP!
" (Ten seconds gap.)
Whatever the intention,
It wakes partner from his nap!

What happened to the FIFTEEN words!
The ONLY words, alas,
Were ONE through SEVEN, all FOUR suits,

You've heard of the loss of membership
A million times or more:
"With every new convention
Walk ten thousand out the door

The subterfuge! Distortions!
That have warped our honored game!

Hop to it! But - don't call it BRIDGE!

Pease find some other name.